The Chatter

I am so glad that I do not live very far from the ocean.  It is only an hour’s drive away to paradise from where I live now.  Yes, I do like to go there to swim on a hot day but I love the beach for therapeutic purposes.

Ever since I was old enough to walk the few blocks in the city to the beach, I have always gone there for comfort.  I can remember running there just to get away from a bad scene.  After a while, between the sun rays and ocean breeze something would make me feel that everything would be okay.  I would be okay.

I remember that gloomy day when I was first diagnosed with cancer vividly.  I couldn’t breathe. The first place I wanted to go was to the ocean.  I set it up it up for two days later that my husband would drive my daughter, her husband, and myself to the ocean.  I needed to be with them but also needed to find that familiar place.  It was late January and was it cold.  I remember the strong frigid wind whipping around us and my eyes watering but I could finally breathe and think.  The sound of the waves calmed me down inside…the part where no one ever sees.  I felt renewed to continue my doctor appointments and biopsies.

Now that I have had indecisive news about my cancer, I have found myself back in that position to go back to the ocean.  My husband took me there yesterday.  It was an overcast day which was perfect for me as I was able to stay outside longer.  We got there at 8:00 in the morning.  Tears came to my eyes.  I remember at my last trip if I would ever be back as there was so much uncertainty at the time.

It was wonderful to feel the sea breeze nip at my nose.  The ocean once more sang to me its familiar song through its waves splashing and rolling.  I loved the beach salty smell infused with the scent of the beach roses that tickled my nose. 

As the day warmed up so did the sand and the water.  The sun embraced us with her rays.  I swished the grainy sand between my toes.  It brought smiles to my face.  My husband and I walked along water as the waves splashed us randomly and surprisingly.  He let me be silent to think, enjoy, reminisce about our past beach trips with our children and let me talk when I wanted to.  

Once again I can breathe. I feel renewed and able to fight this battle again head on alone and with help.  I will be okay.

I wish I could bottle up that feeling I get from the ocean to put right next to my other prescriptions.   It would be the one I would never forget to take.  But since I can’t I can only look forward to my next trip to the ocean and hopefully it will not only be for renewing my soul but a visit filled with celebrations and fun.

I have always wondered if others feel the same way about the ocean.  If not, what does renew oneself or find comfort?

Always Sunni