WooHoo! I have my Laptop back!

by nicholmom3 on June 21, 2008

The dictionary defines the Sandwich Generation as a generation of people who care for their aging parents while supporting and caring their own young children.  Now that I find myself in this generation, let me tell you it is not fun nor is it easy. 

My mom is only 69, but is showing some serious signs of depression and dementia.  Her overall mood and attitude changes drastically from day to day or hour to hour.  She will not seek help for the depression.  I stay stressed out and grumpy most of the time these days.

I decided to visit my doctor to see if there was anything that could take the edge off when she starts in on me.  I am tired of feeling anger all of the time.  I am on my second medication trial because the first one left me so nauseated and with some severe IBS symptoms. 

My mom wears my children out too.  My son who is now 13 remembers her when she was her old self and fun to be with.  My daughter who is 8 does not remember her any other way and with her learning issues, she has very little patience with my mom.  Needless to say, our life is not exactly what I had pictured for my husband and I.  Since I am an only child, there is no one else to help me.

My mom is still capable of doing most things with little problem or concern.  She is very stubborn which can make things very difficult.  She is also not a very social person and relies on me for all of her socialization.  This is very hard with two children, working full time, and a husband to care for.  Things get very strained and tensions run high.

I like to have time to myself; I need to have time to myself.  I rarely if ever get this luxury anymore which keeps me in a foul mood.  I love how the doctor just says that I need to put her in an assisted living home.  First of all, I cannot afford it and she would not go willingly.  Life is not as cut and dry as they would like to make it.

My mom still treats me like I am 12 years old and unable to manage my own family.  It is very frustrating.  We have very different parenting styles which makes it even worse.  She loves to go between my husband and me with complaints about how the other disciplines.  She is so much like a child now. 

Then she has good days when no one would ever suspect there is any problems.  She is a smoker and refuses to quit or even try to quit.  My daughter now has asthma because of this.  However, we have stopped her from smoking in the house.  It has been nearly 2 years and the house still reeks of smoke.  I have painted all of the rooms, gotten rid of blinds and curtains.  We have gotten rid of carpets and her sofa.  I do not know what else to do.

She says she would not be able to make it financially if we moved out; believe me I have thought about it numerous times.  I would like to be able to reach a happy medium somehow.

We have NO privacy whatsoever.  Forget trying to watch tv without being interrupted 20 times.  Time with my husband? What is that? Privacy when talking — unheard of.  It is so annoying.

Have I tried talking to her? You bet.  Each time she gets her feelings hurt and pouts.  Sometimes the behavior stops for a day or two and then she is right back at it.  I give up.  No wonder I need medication for my sake and my family.  If anyone has any insight on this I would greatly appreciate any help or suggestions.

We schedule as many vacations and weekends away as possible just to have some peace.  I love my mom dearly, but enough is enough.  I need help.  My husband is a saint to put up with all the antics.  Can you believe I was diagnosed with depression?  I cannot imagine why.  Without my faith in God, I would not have made it this far. 

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