Always Sunni

Funny how things turn out when you think positive knowing  some sense of reality still must be intertwined …you combine and add in what the specialists say …and all my well wishes, thoughts and prayers that were sent …this is what I was thinking when I woke up this morning at home. 

Today should be the day I would have been leaving the hospital with a pretty good outcome.  I shiver to think of what a longer stay would have meant and the complications there could have been.  But I am home…actually I have been home since late on Friday.  I know!  It wasn’t in the plans!  So here I lay resting and celebrating the day. (It is even a dreary out of control rainy cold day too.)

Friday went really well.  The morning was shaky as my stomach was upset and my mind was going crazy.  But I was packed up and ready to go.  We picked up my sister without a hitch and left for Boston.  I rearrange two bags…one for now and one for later while listening to my IPod.  I didn’t feel like talking. So my hubby and sister talked and ignored me…just what I wanted.  As each exit sign brought us closer I could feel my stomach turn.  The traffic was minimal because we left at 4:30 am we had to be there two hours before my surgery.   My gosh what were they thinking…but my sister said it was better to be the first patient…there would be no waiting.   I remember coming off the exit by the Garden and saying” Go Green! “Thanks for the win!  Yes, they won the night before.  They kept me busy as usual. 

Then we pulled up to the hospital for valet parking.  I thought my legs were not going to let me get through the door.  I ran to the rest room as I did not feel well.  But it passed.  Admitting seemed to take forever as there were many people and we were even early at 5:15 am.  I was the first patient of the day for my doctor. Then it occurred to me that all of these people were the first of the day.  There were a lot of operating rooms.   The waiting was killing me.  Finally someone came for me to go over paperwork and get my fancy name tag.  Then it was back to waiting again.  You never get your seats back either.  You never get settled and comfortable…it was almost like a game…musical chairs.

  It seemed like forever until someone came to take me away and take blood.  I survived that but it was way too early for that.  Then we had to wait to go to get ready for surgery.  It was quite a process.  I remember thinking don’t they know I have surgery soon. I can’t be late. Meanwhile, the same person came back to take more blood because there was a problem.  I did not think that this was a good sign.  I really tried to hold back my tears.

Finally we were called and headed down to the “holding area”.  There was even a line of people there waiting for their spot to get ready for surgery.  It didn’t take too long before I had my place.  Everyone was wonderful who I came in contact with.  After I changed into my fashionable attire for the day my sister did reiki on me.  I found that it really helped me get ready for the IV and the Epidural.  Between the drugs, all my family and people’s support I got to recovery without a hitch.  That had really worried me.

I do remember the kind nurse telling me that all went well but I was not really there yet.  I remember seeing my husband, sister and dad for a few minutes saying it went well.  But it wasn’t until the surgeon came and spoke to me that I truly understood.  He was able to do everything by laparoscopic.  He could not take the entire tumor out because of how it was attached to my bowels.  Since all the biopsies were showing up as noncancerous, he decided to not resection my bowels. I guess it would have been quite a large area.  Guess I am lucky that he is a patient person! He put in metal clips, just in case, for radiation.  We do have to wait for a week or so for the final pathology reports.   I remember trying to decide if I was awake or not.  When he ever said that he was going to let me go home the same day that I believed was too much.  I saw my sister and husband look at each other with tears.  I whispered to my husband as he came close to me.  I wanted to know if I was really awake or still dreaming of good things.  He pinched my arm and laughed softly.  He told me that I was awake.  Then I cried.

It has been a rough couple of days but I know each one will get better.  Flowers and goodies have surprised at the door.  Homemade rolls and pecan rolls from a friend, cards and calls have helped me and my family through.

Now I still wait…for the pathology report.

I am okay with waiting right now, even tough, I hurt.  I am on a high from what we have heard.  But to tell you the truth…deep inside I really feel good…I can’t explain it but I feel like everything is going to be okay.  I am not going to tell my family thought…well maybe not yet.  I don’t want them to be more disappointed if I am wrong. 

So I may be waiting but I am waiting at home.  But what a feeling!  So what’s a girl to do?  Pretty soon I think my answer will always be waiting!  Oh and………..hope!